Originally published on LinkedIn on 22 October 2026.
This series looks at the conversations most leaders know they should have, and don’t. This week: the resignation conversation, what to say when a resignation letter lands and you want them to stay.
The blind spot
A senior associate hands in their notice. You want them to stay, so you do what feels natural: you ask what it would take. The conversation turns quickly to salary, a title, or a bigger role.
You read it as a pay problem. From their side, it’s more than just money. From my previous experience as a recruiter, the move is more likely about career development: a route to partnership they can’t see, work that isn’t developing them, a conversation about their future that never happened.
By now they have usually thought it through. If a recruiter is involved, the counter-offer has been discussed and they may have been advised not to accept it. The decision to leave has been made, but what you say first can potentially turn it around.
Last week’s Brief covered the stay conversation, which you start before anyone has decided to leave. It asks what keeps someone at your firm and what would make them think twice about staying. The resignation conversation begins when the letter lands, and this week’s Brief covers what to say and what not to say.
Why a counter-offer can miss the point
Two things:
Money is the easy lever, and often not the reason. A counter-offer is quick to make and easy to explain, so it is often the first thing leaders reach for. Chambers UK Leading Teams 2025, a survey of 1,680 trainees, associates and partners at 110 UK firms, found that salary was cited as a key motivation by 23% of those considering a move. A counter-offer that answers the salary and not the reason the person wants to leave is unlikely to change their decision.
Staying is not a comfortable choice for them. Recruiters have an interest in their candidate starting the new job, so the counter-offer has often been discussed before the letter arrives. One that is accepting may lead the firm to question their commitment. Even a person who is tempted to stay may be weighing how that might look.
What this actually costs
The first cost is attrition. Thomas Telman’s own data puts the cost of replacing a senior fee earner at between one and a half and two times their basic salary. A counter-offer adds to the salary bill. If the reason was not pay, the firm pays more and may face the same resignation later.
The second cost sits in the notice period. Client relationships and live matters have to move to someone else, often at speed. A rushed handover can mean rework and time that never gets billed in full, which shows up in write-downs and realisation rate.
How to have the resignation conversation
The aim of the resignation conversation is to find out what led to the decision and to see whether it can be changed. It isn’t a bidding exercise, and it isn’t a plea.
Respond quickly. Thank them for the letter and ask to talk within a day, in person where possible.
Begin with, “I’m sorry to hear you want to leave, and I’d like you to stay. Before I say anything else, I’d like to understand what led to this.” It tells them they matter, and it helps keep a counter offer from sounding like an attempt to buy them.
Get the detail and sort the answers. Ask, “what would have to be different?” The first answer is often the polite one, so ask twice.
Sort what you hear into what you can change, what you can’t, and what you won’t. Only offer what you will deliver, with a date. A gap in career development that has stood for years is unlikely to close on a promise made in a day.
Make it safe to stay. Accepting a counter-offer can sit awkwardly afterwards. Tell them, “If you decide to stay, I won’t hold it against you.” Then agree how the team will be told.
What not to say
“What would it take?” turns the conversation into a negotiation before you know the reason. “After everything we’ve done for you” makes it about you. Criticising the new firm may put them on the defensive and make it harder for them to come back later. A promise you cannot keep will cost you the trust you are trying to keep.
If they still decide to go, the same conversation sets up the handover: which clients and matters need the most care, and how the team is told.
Leave a route back as well. The grass is not always greener, and a person who knows the door is open may come back if the new role isn’t what they hoped for.
One question to ask this week
Think of the last resignation letter you received. Ask yourself plainly: did I you get the truth on what led to it before I made a counter-offer?
If you offered first and asked second, that is worth noticing.
You know what your team billed last month. That figure does not show the fee earner who may already be thinking of leaving, or the time that will never be billed in full. Attrition and write-downs stay a blind spot until they show up as a loss. We are looking for a small number of partners who manage teams of 25 to 100 people to pilot our diagnostic at no cost. It’s a private read that provides guidance on where you are at risk of losing money and what you can do next.
If this is of interest, send me a private, direct message on LinkedIn.