Originally published on LinkedIn on 8 October 2026.
The Expectations Conversation
This series looks at the conversations most leaders know they should have, and don’t. This week: the expectations conversation, saying what you actually need, instead of assuming it’s already obvious.
The blind spot
An expectation usually gets handed over as a shape, not a specification. “I need this turned around fast.” “I expect a high standard on this one.” “Use your judgement, but flag anything unusual.” Each one feels complete to the person saying it, because the detail behind it is already fully formed in their head.
The person receiving it only gets the shape. They fill in the rest with their own guess, built from whatever experience they happen to have. Most of the time the guess is close enough that nobody notices the gap. Sometimes it isn’t, and the first sign of the mismatch is the finished work landing back on a desk that’s already short on time.
Why this happens
In 1990, Stanford researcher Elizabeth Newton ran a study that later became known as the “tappers and listeners” experiment. One group tapped out the rhythm of a well-known song with their fingers. A second group had to guess the song from the tapping alone. Tappers predicted listeners would get it right about half the time. Listeners actually succeeded in roughly 2.5% of attempts.
The tappers weren’t being careless. They could hear the full song in their head as they tapped, melody, instruments, words, so it was genuinely hard for them to imagine someone hearing nothing but a rhythm. This became one of the foundational studies behind what researchers now call the curse of knowledge, once something is clear to you, it takes real effort to notice what you’ve left unsaid.
Setting an expectation works the same way. The full picture is so present for the person giving it that leaving out the detail doesn’t register as leaving anything out at all.
What this actually costs
This shows up directly in write-downs. When finished work doesn’t match the expectation that was in the leader’s head, rather than the one that was actually communicated, someone has to notice the mismatch, explain it, and wait for it to be redone. The time spent on the first version, plus the time spent redoing it, rarely gets billed at full value. The value on the file is reduced, quietly, as the cost of a conversation that didn’t quite happen.
The second cost is less visible but just as real. Each mismatch teaches the associate that guessing wrong is the normal outcome of taking on new work, which makes them more cautious and more likely to check in before acting, which is precisely the dependence a leader is usually trying to reduce.
How to have it
The fix isn’t saying more. It’s saying the one or two things that actually carry the detail.
Describe the shape with an example, not an adjective. “High standard” means something different to everyone holding it. “One page, recommendation first, risks last, like the advice letter we sent on the Harris matter” gives the other person a real document to open and a clear idea of which features to match.
Ask them to say it back in their own words. “What’s your read on what I need here?” costs ten seconds and closes the exact gap the tapping study describes, the leader finds out what actually landed, not what they assumed would.
Name the one thing that would make it wrong. Instead of listing every requirement, state the single failure condition that matters most. “The only thing that would be a problem here is if it goes longer than page one.” One clear boundary travels further than five vague ones.
One question to ask this week
Next time you hand someone a piece of work, ask them to tell you back, in their own words, what they think you’re expecting from it.
If the answer matches what was actually in your head, the expectation travelled cleanly. If it surprises you, it was clear to you. It just wasn’t clear to them yet.
The ownership conversation is one of the most consistently avoided in professional services, and one of the most expensive when it doesn’t happen. If you want to know where operational blind spots are potentially costing you money begin with ore free self-assessment. It takes 3 minutes and you will see where you are exposed and what to do next.
Next week: The Exit Conversation.